we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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