I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
