Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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