Jerry, you need to find god
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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