She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
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