remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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