i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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