I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
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I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
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three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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