Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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