ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
