If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
He felt like a one man threesome
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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