I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
