I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
It was like giving head to a cactus.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
