so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
