ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize