Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
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