now i know why i became what i already was.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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