a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
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