I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
