i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
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