There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
