yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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