i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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