Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
