I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
