Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
