very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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