your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
