Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
