its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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