genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
