THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
