I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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