pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
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