i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
