I molested 6 butterflies tonight
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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