Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
