i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Randomize
