1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
not ubering you a puppy
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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