either way he was missing a nipple.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
