if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize