Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
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