i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
We got so high we made milksteak
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
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He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I'd cum for enchiladas.
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if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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