And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
