we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Help me help you realize you are a moron
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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