There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
