So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
