Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
