Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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