I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Randomize
