I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
