I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
