woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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