Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
