I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
