He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
