He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize
