Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
What drink are we having for lunch?
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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