you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
