I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
