i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
