i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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