my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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