I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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