Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Randomize
