Non-Jews are for practice
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
